An open letter to the Beer League Try-Hards from a very pissed off tendyShare this:FacebookXLike this:Like Loading...
An open letter to the Beer League Try-Hards
Dear Captain Douchebag,
I regret to inform you that there are absolutely no scouts in attendance at any of your games, your girlfriend does not care how you do, and most importantly, your hockey career is over!
We are all proud of the fact that you played two games in some shitty Junior B league in BFE; however, you do not need to take out your frustrations of being a “never was” on the rest of us.
Like many of the aging beer league heroes, this is my time. This is my one night a week to hang out with the boys, drink a beer, and do something for me. No wife bitching, no kids screaming, just enjoying a solid 90 minutes of ice time followed by a cold, parking lot beer or twelve. Please do not ruin that for us.
I don’t need to be getting stitched up or having to go to an ER/Urgent Care because you wanted to run the goalie. I have already had my 2 knee surgeries and I am not really looking for a 3rd. The days when I was willing to get injured for hockey are long gone.
We get it, you are 22 and want to take out your pent-up sexual frustrations on a couple of mid-30’s beer league beauties. Well good for you bud; however, I have work tomorrow. I don’t need your shitty clap bombs off of my mask. My teammates don’t need you trying to wrestle them in the corner over a loose puck. Guess what? In this league, we all make playoffs!
Why are you out here hacking sticks and being an overall dick? Because mommy and daddy still buy your gear doesn’t mean that it is free for us too. I can’t call the Bank of Dad for a loan to replace the stick that you rage broke because you weren’t scoring. Or the skates I am having to buy because you really thought that jamming at my skate blade on the post would help the puck go in. Now I have to buy new skates asshole!
(If you cannot tell, I am still bitter over a busted skate – Fuck you Team USeh – I will send you a Venmo for the new pair).
Guess what big guy? It is not the stick that failed you. It is father time slowly catching up to you and soon you will be the old guy hiding from the wife at the rink. And then you will see what a dumbdick your younger self was running through this league.
Maybe you are not the young punk, but instead the old guy who can’t let go?
So you might not be that young kid fresh out of juniors/college. Maybe you are the old guy who doesn’t want to let the dream go. You got booted off your A league team a few years ago and now struggle to keep up in the B league. Why not step down to the C2 league where you belong instead of sticking me in the nuts every chance you get? There is no tone to be set bud. Just a group of guys looking to skate, have some fun, and drink a beer. This isn’t game 7 nor does it really matter the outcome.
Why are you going to run the tender on a dump in? Does it look like I need another concussion? I sure as hell don’t need another knee surgery? Are you going to go home and brag to your wife about your beer league game and the message you sent? She will listen to you for all of 5 minutes before texting her side piece about what a dumbass her husband is. I guarantee if you are that big of a tool on the ice, you are that big of a tool in life.
Maybe you are an even bigger douche who yells at your own goalie for giving up a goal. Guess what dude, I have seen 10 shots all night and we are up 7-0. Does it matter if we win 7-1 or 7-0? Do you think I give a damn? I worked all day or was with the kids all weekend. Be happy that I showed up and am playing halfway decent. If that is not good enough for you, then you can fuck right off as well!
The morale of this story is that no one gives a fuck how you do in your beer league game. When was the last time you wife/girlfriend asked? Do you parents give a fuck about it? They quit caring about your hockey as soon as you hit 18. What about you boss? Will winning the championship get you a promotion? Probably not.
So why the hell are you running around like Tom Wilson trying to ruin the game for the rest of us? Quit being a douchebag, let us all have some fun, or GTFO!
Remember kids, that no matter where you play, whether travel, rec league, college, pros, or even the NHL; all roads lead to beer league. So, while you may think it is fun to run around like an asshole while you are home on summer break now, one day you will be in our shoes and have some teenage punks acting like mo-tards at your local beer league game.
Sincerely,
One Pissed Off Goalie with a Busted Skate
