Have any of you ever gone through a bad breakup? It is a shitty process with a lot of back-and-forth and unpleasantries exchanged.
Breakups suck and even the most “mutual” can still leave a bitter taste in your mouth no matter how amicable it goes. I like to think of myself as a decent person; however, I am sure if you ask some of my ex’s, they will paint me in a light that makes Charlie Sheen look good.
This being said, I did my research and I tried my best to give a nonbiased opinion on Evander and the comments and allegations. But after all of my research on the topic, all I can say is that Evander Kane is a total piece of shit, both on the ice and off.
Kane’s Off Ice Issues:
I would like to start this article off pre-dating his estranged wife, Anna’s accusations and touch on what a true low life Evander has been throughout his career.
In 2016, Kane was accused of assaulting two different women in two different instances.
The first case was in July of 2016 where a 21-year-old woman accused Kane of luring her to his room for an “ after party” and then proceeding to beat the shit out of her. This assault caused cuts, bleeding, and injuries that required multiple surgeries to fix.
Then, just a month later, Kane was in court after a whole shitshow of a night. Allegedly, he got in a fight with a bar bouncer after Kane was seen grabbing a woman and trying to force her in to a car. Apparently the same night, another police report came out saying that Captain Woman-Beater had grabbed a different lady in the club and tried to drag her outside.
This should set a pretty good background for what a terrible human being Evander Kane really is. Everyone has seemed to forget about these issues in Buffalo, but then again everyone is trying to forget about the Sabres anyways these days.
As we all saw publicly, Kane’s wife Anna, took to Instagram to make several allegations against him saying that Evander left his pregnant wife for a European vacation with his ex-girlfriend and left her with no money or means to care for their child.
First off, have you seen Anna? She is way out of that douchebag’s league. Total rocket. Kane should have been walking a mile on broken glass just to sniff her farts, let alone acting like a total jerkoff towards her. I will repeat this multiple times, Evander Kane you dumb mother fucker!
On a side note, Anna, now that you are single, if you ever see this, hit me up. I would like to show you all the fine things an up-and-coming blogger can provide. You like Chili’s 2 for $20? I will even let you get the Presidente Margarita! #Ballin’
As if this wasn’t bad enough for Kane, he was spotted with his ex-girlfriend, Mara Teigen, whom his wife accused him of having an affair with. The last thing you want to do during a divorce is to be seen galivanting around Europe with a woman whom your wife is actively accusing you of banging. Do you really need that European vacation with her? Why not lock yourselves in a Holiday Inn and fuck like rabbits? Evander Kane, you are truly a dumbdick mother fucker.
As if all of this wasn’t bad enough, in the last few hours it has come out that Kane was promising to pay women for abortions then would refuse to pay after they went through with the procedure! Holy shit, you fucking asshole.
Hope Parker has come out and said that Evander Kane has forced her in to getting 3 abortions over the years with the latest being in June of 2018. According to Parker’s attorneys, he bullied her in to getting the first abortion using his clout as a professional athlete. Then in a second instance, Parker was unwilling to go through with the procedure until Kane bullied, forced, and then later paid her $125k to abort the fetus.
Finally, there is a 3rd occasion in which Parker told Kane “She was not going to let him bully her into having an abortion as he had with the first two”. Of course, Kane decides to do the only logical thing and offer her between $2 and $3 million dollars to get the abortion. As soon as she sent the medical paperwork proving the procedure was done, he said he would not pay and she needed to talk to his lawyers.
First of all, what the hell are you doing, knocking up the same girl 3 times? Wrap it up or work on your pull-out game dumbass. You are a pro-athlete, learn how to have better sex.
Second, why the fuck are you putting this in written form? Now her lawyers are going to be able to trace those emails and texts. I don’t think you have that Hilary Clinton clout which will make all of your emails and texts go away.
Finally, if you look at the timeline, this goes to help support his wife’s case that he was having multiple affairs during their marriage. He was forcing Hope Parker to get an abortion while he was married to Anna. Evander, do you just like giving all of your shit away? These women are going to own your dumbass.
Kane’s Problem in Hockey:
Anna’s Instagram tirade was not limited to just what a shitty husband and father Evander Kane was, but she also used her social media platform to accuse him of betting on games involving the Sharks and “throwing games with bookies to win money”.
While the NHL is investigating the gambling accusations, here are some well-known facts about Kane’s gambling problems:
- In 2019, The Cosmopolitan in Vegas filed a complaint saying the Kane failed to pay a $500k marker that he took out while in the playoffs against the Golden Knights
- January of 2021, Kane filed for bankruptcy and claimed that he lost $1.5 million at a “casino and via a bookie” in the last 12 months
Of course, Evander has denied all of the allegations and is writing it off as a crazy bitch of an ex telling made up stories. Usually, I support the “deny till you die” approach, but the points above are facts and nothing which Evander can deny.
The only redeeming argument that I can make is the fact that I have played the game of hockey for a long time, albeit never at the professional level; however, I don’t see how 1 player can tank a game enough to cover a bet. Wouldn’t the coach bench you if he saw you dogging it that bad? How many pizzas up the middle can you throw before seeing a lot more pine? Especially when dumbdick was having a career year. If anything, goalie Martin Jones should be accused to tanking for betting purposes as he couldn’t stop a beachball last season!
The one thing hockey players always have going for them is the brotherhood in the locker room and amongst teammates. Kane has even fucked that up to the point where his own teammates are saying they do not want him back.
While it sounds like Kane was not well liked by teammates before Anna’s allegations came out, I am sure this is just the icing on his dumbass cake.
According to The Athletic, many of his Sharks teammates did not want the left winger back and San Jose even tried to trade him this summer due to his strained relationship with other Sharks players. Despite Kane having his best career year, 22 goals and 49 points in 56 games; sources told The Athletic that Kane had no respect for the team’s rules and walked around with zero consequences.
Allegedly, this has been a problem for Evander dating back to his early career days in Atlanta/Winnipeg and then again in Buffalo.
If you may recall, in 2014 Kane was accused of assault after an incident in Vancouver. This never brought criminal charges, but he was sued for financial damages later. That same season, Paul Maurice healthy scratched Kane saying that if he wanted to play, he should “probably just come to the rink”. The following season, Kane was again suspended by the team after an incident involving teammates. Kane’s only statement was that the Jets “didn’t have his back”. No shit, because you are an asshole!
Then in Buffalo, Kane was suspended by the Sabres for skipping practice to attend the NBA All-Star weekend in Toronto. This is probably a reason why teammates “don’t have your back” you stupid mother fucker. Well this and the fact that you like to punch women.
Tim Murray. the Buffalo GM at the time (who can keep up with that revolving door), noted that Kane’s behavior during his time in Buffalo was very negative for the team, his teammates, and the organization.
The worst part of this for Kane is the fact that this had nothing to do with his wife’s allegations. This just goes to show he was an arrogant asshole before the personal life got leaked out to the press.
So, while I tried my best to research and write an article maybe defending Kane and help play it off as a bad, public breakup; I couldn’t find anything but trouble. This guy is a piece of shit who lacks respect for women, teammates, relationships/marriage, and the game of hockey. There is not one good thing this clown has done since entering the league.
I am going to put this as nicely as I possibly can, Evander Kane please kindly go fuck yourself and jump off the highest bridge you can find you lowlife douchebag. It is one thing to ruin your marriage, everyone makes mistakes; however, I still think you can fuck right off for that one. On top of that, you have shown absolutely no respect for anyone or anything. You are known for beating women. And now you are bringing down the integrity of the game and the sacred nature of the locker room.
In my humble opinion, you can fist-fuck yourself right to hell. Gary Bettman, ban this asshole for life!
FUCK YOU EVANDER KANE!
