Is there anything John Tortorella can’t do?

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“You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain” – Harvey Dent in The Dark Knight Rises

What is the one thing that John Tortorella hated more than lazy, one-way players? The media.

Yet yesterday, this American icon and former Stanley Cup Champion coach inked a deal with ESPN to be one of their studio analysts.

Johnny T has always had a love hate relationship with the media and was often more outspoken than anyone else in the league. He was not afraid to call a spade a spade, jackass a jackass, or Laine a lazy player. Torts let his IDGAF type personality fly and his nuts swing when it came to press conferences.

In his time with Columbus alone Torts was good for at least 1 media controversy a year. Here are a few of his highlights:

• The 2016 War of Words – Torts told Trotz to quit whining after Barry went to the media and complained of Foligno embellishing for calls
• The 2017 mic drop – Torts did not like questions he was fielding from the media after a 7-2 loss to Edmonton and decided to call the press conference a bit early by walking out – you may notice a pattern developing
• 2017 Straight Talk on Pittsburgh – when asked about the Pittsburgh Penguins, Torts responded with a well thought out “quite honestly, I don’t like the team” – good to know
• The Shit His Pants Excuse of 2019 – in 2019 at the height of the Panarin getting traded rumors, Torts aired out Artmi’s dirty laundry by sharing that the forward was not being traded but instead “shit his pants and he’s puking his guts out” – a little TMI there big guy, but I appreciate the honesty
• Swearing in the 2020 Bubble – in the 2020 Toronto playoff bubble, Torts kindly shared that he doesn’t “give a shit” if the TV hears what expletives are used on the bench in the empty arenas
• More from the Bubble – In that same bubble, the NHL issued a fine because Torts decided he was done answering the media after just 2 questions – imagine him conducting an interview with ESPN and just saying “fuck it, I don’t like you and I am out”

These are just a few of his highlights from CBJ. Below is a compilation of some of the best sound bites from Torts’ coaching days put together by Sportsnet:

Tortorella was great at taking bad teams and making them great; however, he often found himself at the center of controversy with star players. This season alone, he dogged guys like Pierre-Luc Dubois and Patrik Laine.

In Torts’ defense, PLD also whined about being in Columbus and everyone is familiar with “the shift” that ended up getting him traded. PLD was a crybaby who probably should not be playing in the NHL. And if Laine would get off Fortnite long enough to put any effort towards the game, he probably would not need to be sitting on the bench as much. He is a lazy, one-way player who likes to disappear throughout the season.

In my opinion, this outspoken and opinionated hockey icon is just the personality that ESPN needs to grow the game and their viewership of hockey. Unlike Mike Babcock, Kathryn Tappen, and Patrick Sharp who all pussyfooted around subjects and sugarcoated their opinions, we all know Torts will open it up and let it fly.

How terrible was NBC’s coverage of the Stanley Cup Playoffs this past season? I get they had “senioritis” and were just phoning it in for the last month; however, none of them have the balls to say what they are really seeing or how the game is really going.

I think this world needs more John Tortorella’s and less “afraid to ruffle any feathers or mess up my perfect hair and smile” Patrick Sharp’s (to his credit, he is a man rocket and hard to hate – but still call it like you see it Sharpie)!

My advice for Tort in his new career is to call a spade a spade, walk the fuck out of an interview, and let your opinion fly. I know I will be paying more attention when Torts is breaking down a game. Let those balls swing Johnny T!

John Tortorella for President 2024!

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